Sinners in BangCock
by Screaming Kittycat
Summary: The gang is back and are once again fucking shit up, Max and Phil continue their relationship whilst they run around trying to find Stu's brother in law, can they stay sane and together when the stress gets too much, you better read to find out
1. I have a great life

**The first chapter is up! it's a little difficult to write this since I was using Netflix that had subtitles but it does have The Hangover II so I am writting this by copying what they say, which can be a little annoying so if anyone can give me a site that has subtitles that would be helpful**

 **enough rambling, please enjoy**

* * *

"Hi, you've reached the office of Dr Stuart Price, please note the office will be closing until the 24th, if this is an emergency please try-"

"Hi this is Dr Stu Price, I'm getting married so I'll be out of the country for 2 weeks, not sure if I'll have cell service, if this is a dental emergency pl-" Lauren snapped her phone shut and turned around

"Nothing" she shuffled over to the lounge and sat beside Tracy, her dad spoke to her mother and she frowned "Dad you're not helping"

"I looked into his eyes I did not see the eyes of a man but the eyes of a coward" her mother frowned and placed her hands on her husband's arm, he turned to her and raised his voice angrily, Tracy saw her phone vibrating and excused herself, once she was outside she answered

"Phil?"

"Tracy" Phil spoke tiredly "I'm sorry"

"Where the hell are you?" she demanded

"…it happened again" she closed her eyes with a sigh

"Don't say that, please"

"No this time we really fucked up" he sounded like he was just about to cry

"Seriously, what is wrong with you four, I thought Max would be the smart one"

"So much Trace I don't even know where to begin"

"Oh god…how bad" she was afraid of his answer "Like, no wedding bad?"

"Yeah…a little worse than that"

 **The Hangover II**

"Mm-hm, you really need to floss more" Stu said as he leant over his childhood friend Phil

"Fuck that, that's why I come here" Stu pressed a button and the chair that Phil laid on rose up into a seating position

"Then you should come more than once every two years" Stu turned around to his bench

"So you could bleed me of all my money?"

"I never charge you a dime, Phil" the teacher leant over and grabbed a mask

"Hey, how do I work the nitrous?"

"Uh, you don't, actually"

"Come on. Just one hit" Stu turned his chair around

"Fillings look pretty good, any other problems?"

"Yeah, actually, you're getting married in Thailand" Stu opened his mouth to protest but Phil kept speaking "For starters, that's flights for me and Max, that's two grand right there and my mother-in-law's watching the kids, now she's got this whole new thing to hold over my head, plus it takes five days to get there"

Stu was not impressed "It's a 16-hour flight, and it's beautiful when you get there"

Phil shook his head "Whatever dude, it's a hassle" Stu nodded

"It is kind of far, Lauren's been there a week and she's still jet-lagged but It's where her parents are from, It means a lot" Phil scoffed

"Who gives a shit about her parents? Her dad hates you" Phil ripped off his bib and got off the chair

"He doesn't hate me" Stu denied whole heartedly "He's just never spoken to me, I think it's a cultural thing"

"Why can't you get married in Vegas like last time? So much easier"

Stu glared at Phil "Why can't you just be excited for me? This is my wedding" Phil leant against and stuck his hands in his pockets, a small smile on his face

"You're really happy, huh?"

Stu smiled softly, his mind flashing to his beautiful fiancé that he was soon to be married to "I really am"

"Alright, I'm happy too" he walked over and laid a hand on the dentists shoulder

"Thank you"

"It's gonna be fun" Phil went walk off but Stu stopped him

"Phil? Put the prescription pad back" Phil slowly turned back and to Stu's room, he fished the pad from his underwear and put it on the table

"Thank you, you know that's a felony, right?"

"Fuck you, man" Wenneck shuffled away

"Was this right up against your scrotum?"

"Yep"

* * *

"I just don't understand why he has to have his wedding in Thailand, why can't he have it at Alan's house like Tracy did"

"Because Phil, Tracy lived at Alan's house before she married Doug" Phil and Max were sitting at the dinner table with Eden, Eli and their 2 year old daughter Penny that was created from the night they forgot "I'm sure it will be beautiful and I've been saving my money to be able to pay for the flights"

"No way!" Penny whimpered at her fathers raised voice, Phil winced and quietened his voice "I'm not letting you pay two grand all by yourself"

"You know I can pay for it, I get a lot of money as a vet" Phil sighed in frustration and rubbed his temple

"Let me pay for my own ticket, I don't want to be known as the man who mooches off his fiancé"

"We're not getting married anytime soon-Penny, sweetie, food goes in mouth" Max looked at her daughter and scooped up the food dribbling out of her mouth with a small spoon, she then coaxed her daughter to eat it "There we go honey" she kissed her on the forehead and turned back to Phil

"I know we're not but I gave you my family's ring that I didn't even give Stephanie, I'd say we are pretty much engaged" Max smiled and shook her head

"Yeah, I guess your right" she leant over the table and met Phil's lips halfway, they kissed sweetly "Hmm I will never stop liking your kisses"

"Good because I will never stop kissing you" they kissed passionately once more

"Eeww stop kissing!" Eli cried in disgust

"What they doing with face?" Eden asked innocently

"Their sucking faces!"

"EEEHEHEHEHE!" Penny squealed and giggled excitedly, though she didn't have any idea what was going on, Phil and Max smiled at their kids, Alan had paid for the best Lawyer money could buy and four months after Doug's wedding Phil had finally divorced Steph and boy was she not happy, she got so angry that spear tackled Max and attacked her right in the court room, this however caused her to lose her rights to see her son Eli and for Phil to take full custody since she was too unstable to raise a child, Eli was upset for a while but he had gotten over it once Penny was born

"Alright you three enough" Phil laughed at his kids, his life was truly perfect

* * *

 **I know it's short and the next one will be aswell, i'm just getting back into the rhythm. I hope you will enjoy this next part in the Hangover saga**

 **SCREAMINGTOMCAT OUT! 3**


	2. We are sooo fucked!

**I don't know what to say here so enjoy!**

* * *

"No fucking way, absolutely not" Last night Tracy had asked Doug to ask Stu if Alan could come to his wedding because it was eating the bearded child alive, obviously Stu wasn't happy about this

"Come on, Stu, it's killing him" Doug pleaded to Stu, right now they were out for breakfast, Eli and Eden were with Max at the local swimming pool whilst Phil hung out with Penny

"I don't care, honestly, the two of you were barely invited"

"Oh, and what about Max?" Phil stared over the rim of his mug

"She was invited by Lauren and her father likes her because she's a doctor" Stu shot back

"Alright. I get it, I really do, just, you know what? Alan considers you to be one of his best friends"

"I consider Alan to be insane" drawled Stu

"Stu, throw him a bone, his dad pays for everything he eats and breaks, you know what we should squeeze the old man to cover the bachelor party"

Doug smiled "That's good" he agreed

"I'm glad you brought that up because this is the bachelor party, I know Max couldn't make it but I can go and get coffee with her some other time"

"What?" Doug frowned at Stu

"What are you talking about?" Phil said around a mouthful of pankcake

"Yeah, it's my bachelor brunch, go crazy, get some chocolate-chip  
pancakes, get a lap dance from the waitress" Phil dropped his fork onto his place

"That's bullshit, you can't just skip out of a bachelor party, Stu"

"You see that? that's orange juice with a napkin on top, do you know why? So nobody roofies me"

Phil glared at Stu "Well, I refuse to eat fucking cantaloupe at a bachelor party"

"Come on, Stu, don't you think you're overreacting?"

"No, I don't, I'm still putting the broken pieces of my psyche back together" Phil laughed at that but Stu ignored him "and you know what the glue is? Lauren, and I'm not doing anything to screw that up"

"Oh please, you wouldn't be with here if it wasn't for us"

"Oh, this'll be good"

"Stu, think about it, you ended up ditching Melissa, you met Lauren at Doug's wedding, two years later, you realised she was your true soul mate, you take Vegas out of that equation, you would have married a cunt" the elderly couple at the table beside them looked at Phil in shock and disgust "It's okay. I'm allowed to say it, It's a bachelor party, drink up, everybody, wait, there's no alcohol, I forgot, we're at a fucking IHOP" Doug shook his head

"Well, it's my decision and it's final, so how about a toast?" Stu raised his glass of orange juice

"This sucks. I'm gonna wait in the car" he grabbed bag that carried everything that Penny needed and stood up

"Come on, Phil, where you going?"

"I just don't get it, he's getting married in Thailand, that's great for him, but what about us? You're just selfish, come on, sweetheart" he picked up the baby carrier that held Penny and turned back to Stu "Shame on you" he walked off, making sure his back hit Stu on the way out

"Don't worry, Stu I will stand up for you no matter what" Stu smiled gratefully at Doug

"Thank you"

"But you gotta help me out with this Alan thing"

* * *

"Guys, I can't tell you how much this means, Alan's been waiting for the invite ever since he got wind of the wedding" the trio drove to Alan's house after Stu and Doug finished their food, they were now talking with Alan's father Sid, Max had met them at the house when Doug texted her to join them, Tracy was taking care of the children whilst they followed Sid

"I'm sure he has"

"Yeah, he's been standing outside by the mailbox every day"

"Wow, that's rough" Phil rubbed his cheek, mentally preparing for what would happen when they entered Alan's room

"Yeah. I, uh...I'm not quite sure he ever left Vegas, you know? He really needs this" Sid stopped in front of a plain white door and knocked on it

"What?" Alan's voice snapped from inside

"Sweetie, it's Pa Pa, You have visitors" he turned back to the four of them "Go in slowly, give him a chance to acclimate" the door swung open to reveal Alan, his beard was much thicker and hair even more curlier than before

"Hey, Alan"

"Hi Al"

"Hey, guys" he saw his idol and shyly waved "Hey, Phil"

"Hey, bud"

"Uh...Uh, you guys wanna come in?"

"Sure"

"Yeah, absolutely" Alan moved to the side so they could come into his room

"Hey"

"Hey" Alan patted Doug's shoulder, he then hugged Phil

"Hey"

"Hey, Stu" he hit Stu's back

"Hiya Al"

"Hey Max" he hugged Max

"Okay, see you on the court in half-" Alan shut the door in his father's face

"Pretty cool room, Alan" the gang looked around the bedroom that looked like it should belong to a horny, geeky teenager

"Oh, thanks, Phil, my dad pays my rent" Dog turned to a wall that had nearly every photo that showed what happened in sin city

"Alan, what the fuck? You were supposed to delete these, you made a promise" the rest of the group saw what Doug was talking about

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. What the hell? I'm not cool with this at all, you can't have these" Phil started laughing as he pulled Max alongside him to check out the photos

"Chillax, Stu, nobody ever comes in here" Alan skipped to his seat

"Total violation of trust" the bearded child pressed a button about leaned over it

"Mother, I'm done with my lunch, It's just sitting here"

"Sorry, honey, I'll be right up" Linda said back, Alan turned back to look at the group with a giddy smile, Phil saw a photo resting on the small bookshelf beside him, it was of Chow and two women

"Can't believe you stopped by, this is cool"

"Wait a second. Al, is that Mr. Chow?" he showed the photo to Alan

"Yeah, we still keep in touch" Phil laughed and showed it to the dentist

"Stu"

"Shit Chow? really?" Max asked in surprise

"Chow? The guy that kidnapped us?"

"He didn't kidnap us, he kidnapped Black Doug. Remember? It was a whole big misunderstanding, he's actually quite charming"

"Alan, he's a criminal" Linda knocked on the wall and walked in

"Excuse me, boys, hi Max"

"Hey Linda"

"Hi, Linda"

"Hi Dougie"

"I guess we don't do dessert any more" Alan snapped rather nastily to his own mother "I didn't get that memo" he passed his food and drink over to her

"Well, I'm sorry, darling. I'll be right back" Max glared at Alan, how could he talk to his mother like that

"Would a cupcake kill you?" Stu turned to Doug

"You know I don't think this was a good idea"

"Uh, Alan, we have a little surprise for you, Stu would like to invite you  
to his wedding"

Stu shrugged his shoulders "Well, only if you're not busy" he secretly hoped Alan was busy

"Stu" Phil warned casually

"Well, maybe the Jonas Brothers are in town" Alan shook his head at Stu

"No, they're in Raleigh-Durham that weekend" Stu hummed, he was fucked now

"Are you really being serious, Stu?" Alan asked with hope-filled eyes "You're inviting me?"

Stu hesitated for a moment "Yeah, why not? Could be fun, right?" the bearded child turned to Phil

"Phil, are you going?"

"Of course"

"Then it will be fun" Alan swung his fridge open and grabbed a needle out, he then proceeded to stab his leg and inject himself with the fluid within

Stu took a step back "Ah!" he shouted

"Whoa, what the fuck are you doing, man?"

"Alan that's dangerous"

"It's my immunizations, this is the last day I can do it"

"That's supposed to be done by a registered nurse" said Stu

"I am a nurse. I'm just not registered" he put the needle down and pulled out a chatter box that was missing a tooth "Oh, Stu, look at this, I bought this because I thought of you"

No one was amused

* * *

 **Another short chapter I know and i'm sorry, hopefully the next chapters will be longer as there will be more details to talk about**

 **SCREAMINGTOMCAT OUT! 3**


	3. To Stu and Lauren

**And we are back with another chapter! I haven't put this much effort in to anything, not even my Uni course. I am trying to pump this out as fast as i can before I go back to Uni next month but so far I am doing pretty good.**

 **Please enjoy this lovely chapter**

* * *

The day of the flight arrived and the gang were heading towards the terminal that would take them to Thailand, Stu had a small smile on his face since he was going to be reunited with his fiancé "Hey, there he is" Stu spread his arms out and smiled at the young boy walking towards him

"Hey, Stu" the kid embraced Stu warmly

"Teddy, what's up? How are you?" he gently pushed him back

"Good to see you, man"

"All right"

Alan glared at this stranger, he did not like him at all "Who's this guy, Stu?"

"This is Teddy, Lauren's little brother" Stu introduced "Goes to Stanford, pre-med" he pointed to his friends "this is Phil, Alan, Doug and you've already met Max"

"Nice to see you again Teddy" Max gave Teddy a hug

"Hey, nice to meet you, man" Doug gave him a handshake

Phil whistled "Wow, Stanford? How old are you?"

"I'm-"

"Uh, he's 17, kind of a genius" Stu praised

"Actually, I'm 16" Teddy corrected "And I'm not a genius, my dad just had me take the entrance exams early"

"Because you're a genius" Max nodded in agreement

"So, what are you, a doctor?" Alan asked

"No, not yet, I'm pre-med"

"Ever heard of that guy Doogie Howser?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, he turned out to be a gay" Max hit Alan's shoulder

"Alan" Doug chided

"It's true. I read it in Teen People"

"Be quiet Alan" said Max sternly, as if she was talking to her own children

"Right, okay, well, I'm gonna grab a book or something for the plane, you guys want anything?" Max shook her head

"No, thanks"

"I'm good"

"I would actually love a Smartwater" Teddy nodded to Stu and pushed through the group

"Cool"

"Thanks" once he was out of earshot Stu turned to Alan "What's the matter with you? He's 16"

"Yeah, Alan. Take it easy" said Phil, not caring about Alan's childish glare pointed at him and Stu

"I'm a little confused, Is he here just to see us off or what? How does this work?" Alan asked

Doug frowned "How does what work?"

"Is that person coming to the wedding?"

"Yes, Alan. My bride's little brother is coming to the wedding, Is that okay with you?"

"Well, it's just the first time I've heard of it, you could have paged me" Max rolled her eyes at the bearded child who strutted away, god he was such a drama queen

"Don't overreact, it's gonna be fine"

"Take deep breathes, once you get to the wedding you can blow him off and you won't have to talk to him"

"If only that was possible Max but Alan exists to make my life a living hell, I'm buying one of those closed lids you can drink through so he can't spike my drink"

"…yeah you should probably do that"

* * *

They were waiting for their flight to arrive when Teddy got back from buying his book and smartwater for Stu "Hey, mind if I sit?" he asked Alan, whose bag was on the seat next to Stu

"Wolf pack only, find another chair" said Alan without a moment of hesitation

"There's no wolf pack, Alan, come on"

"It's no problem, I can find-"

"Teddy don't be ridiculous, you're sitting here" Stu grabbed Alan's bag and dropped it on the floor

"Careful, that's a Louis- That is a Louis Vuitton" Alan cried out in protest, Phil and Max looked over to Alan when they heard the commotion

"Thanks" Teddy said to Stu as he sat down on the now empty seat

Alan turned to Teddy, apparently he wasn't going to give up on tormenting the poor boy "That's a nice neck roll"

"Thanks" Teddy, the pure hearted soul that he was, offered the cushion to the bearded child "you can use it if you want"

"Okay" he looked at the cushion then threw it away, he put his headset on and ignored the world. The others looked at him, thinking that this was going to be a huge mistake

 _"Terminal 12 to Thailand is now open, please line up in an orderly manner"_ an administration lady said over the intercom

"That's us" Stu hopped up from his chair and pulled Teddy along with him, he made it so he weren't sitting next Alan, it also seemed that the others had that same idea aswell, Doug and Tracy were sitting on the chairs beside Stu and Phil and Max were seated as far away from Alan as possible

Lucky them

"So did you mean to seat us in front of everyone?" Max asked after three hours of them chatting to Stu, Doug and Tracy

"I may have seen where Alan's seat is and put us as far away as we could without being separated from the rest of the group

"Smart man, I don't think I could handle 16 hours of constant him" she sighed and rested her head on his shoulder, she just wanted to go to sleep

"Neither could I, I can't handle ten minutes with him" she snorted, he looked down and smiled at her "tired?"

"Yeah, Penny kept me up last night, I swear you can sleep through a hurricane"

"Why didn't you wake me up, we could have tag teamed"

"Because you stayed up the night before grading papers and setting up your substitutes itinerary before we left, I thought you deserved some rest, we're certainly going to be jet-lagged when we get to Thailand"

"That doesn't matter, you stayed at work late last night and were already tired when you got home, I would have helped regardless" he kissed her hair softly "we're a team remember?"

"Yeah…you know…we don't have to deal with the kids until the end of the week" Phil smirked at his fiancé

"Yes, just you and me…together in Thailand, the things we could do"

"Get your mind out of the gutter" she tapped his thigh gently

"You had it there in the first place"

"True"

"Get some rest, bags are hideous"

"Shut up" she huffed and punched his shoulders, Phil pulled out the pillows and gave one to Max, she put it on his head whilst he put it behind his head, once they closed their eyes they fell asleep when their exhaustion set in

* * *

They landed in Thailand late in the afternoon where a series of cars picked them up and took them to the resort where the wedding was being held. They walked into the foyer where Lauren spotted them "Baby! Hi! oh, my God!" she jumped in her soon to be husbands arm

"Ah" Stu held onto Lauren and twirled her arm, he felt right at home with his beautiful bride in his arms once again

"How was your trip?" she asked

"It was long, but good"

"Alright stop hogging my best friend, let me say hi" Laruen turned around and smiled widely at Max

"Maxy!" she squealed and ran into her best friends arms

"Laury!" Max giggled and hugged her tightly

"Oh my you got a hair cut!" Lauren looked at Max's blonde hair that now ended just above her shoulders

"It kept getting in the way, but what about you, not liking black hair?"

"I wanted a change for my wedding"

"It's beautiful" the other halves of the girls stepped in and wrapped their arms around their respective women

"Alright you chatterboxes, if you keep talking we'll stay here until after the wedding, save it for the reception" Phil kissed his fiancé on the cheek

"You can't stop us from talking Phil" Lauren said with a playful glare "why don't you take your bags to your rooms whilst the girl all prepare for tonight" she stepped away from her groom and grabbed Tracy

"Good idea" Max turned to Phil and kissed him lightly on the lips "I'll take the bag with my dress and make-up with me but do you mind taking the rest of my things to our room" Phil nodded

"Yeah I can do that" he kissed her back and watched her skip of with her girlfriends

* * *

"This place is beautiful, can we get married in a place like this?" Max asked Phil, they were sitting beside Doug and Tracy sipping on sparkling ciders and looking at the beautiful blue river before them

"Yeaaa we don't have the money for that Max"

"My grandparent's would pay for it, I know they want me to get married where they live in England"

"I don't think your grandparents like me"

"I'm sure Alan would get his father to pay for your wedding" Tracy chimed in "He idolizes you so much that he would do so in a heartbeat"

"It's a little creepy how obsessed he is about you" said Doug

Phil smiled "Yeah but he's ok I guess, in spurts…really tiny spurts"

"Honestly you'd think that he wants to marry you more than me" Max leant over and kissed her fiancé's cheek "I might have some competition"

"Uh I'm not gay" he gave her a glare

"Really? I do recall you trying to kiss me on my 25th birthday" Doug chimed in

"I was wasted, you can't use that against me"

"Hmmm…I remember you once told me that what you do when you are drunk are your hidden desires you have when your sober, or did you just say that to get into my pants" Max was smirking at Phil right now

"What is this? Gang up on Phil day? What did I do to deserve this" Phil was pouting much like Alan did

"Aww I'm sorry sweetie, we tease you because we care" Max kissed his cheek once more

"Yeah right, you are totally not sorry" Tracy said into her glass of wine, her husband agreeing with a nod

"Of course I am, I can never be mean to my fiancé"

"Speaking of Phil being your fiancé" Doug smirked at the couple "when are you two thinking of getting married?"

"We're not sure" Phil spoke instead of Max "we want this to work better than the last time so we're waiting, I'll pop the question when I think the time is right"

"He already gave me the ring, we're just being cautious" she showed Phil's family ring to Doug and Tracy

"Wow that's beautiful" Tracy said in awe

"That's the most expensive thing you have ever owned Phil" Phil glared at Doug

"Shut up, be nice or I won't have you as my best man" Doug zipped his lips up

"So is Lauren going to be your best woman?" Tracy asked

"I'm having two actually, both you and Lauren"

"I thought you can only have one"

"It's my wedding, I can do whatever I want"

"You sound like a child" Max glared at Tracy "Oh my they are just made for each other, they glare the same and everything"

"And you and Doug are made for each other too, you love to make our lives miserable"

"Don't be dramatic Phil"

* * *

When it was time for dinner they reception moved to a beautiful dinning table, Teddy was playing a wondrous melody on his Cello, smiles were on everyone's faces but Allan who poked Phil and made the thumbs down motion, he decided to ignore him. Once the song was finished the room erupted into claps and words of praise for the 16 year old boy who was truly gifted, he bowed to the audience and sat in his chair.

His father stood up and tapped his wine glass to get everyone's attention "Thank you, Teddy, the hands of a brilliant musician... and one day, a great surgeon" he praised his son "I admit it, when I first met Stu, I was not quite sold" Stu snickered embarrassingly whilst everyone chuckled "He seemed unattractive, he lacked intelligence and imagination, he was missing that spark you look for in a man" Stu stopped smiling "but then I looked into Stu's eyes, he reminded me of my sweet brother, Chaiyo, for those who do not know...Chaiyo is learning-disabled and lives in a group home" Alan laughed "but Chaiyo loves chok, and that's when I realized... Stu is chok"

"What's chok?" Stu whispered to his fiancé who cringed

"Chok is soft white rice in lukewarm water, it has no taste, we feed it to small baby and very old people" Laurens father continued his speech "It is nourishment that everyone can digest, the world needs chok, just as the world needs people like Stu" he raised his glass "To my sweet daughter and Stu, congratulations" the others raised their glasses aswell

"Hear, hear" Phil sent Stu a smile, showing him that he didn't think the same as Lauren's father

"Cheers, guys"

"And now I believe that Teddy has something to say" Teddy stood up but Alan stopped him

"Sit down, I got this, sit down boy" Teddy looked to his father but did as he was told

"Oh here we go" Max muttered to Phil

"That was, uh, a great speech, sir, I like the comparisons between, uh, Stu and rice, I've also prepared a few words" he pulled out a small pile of cue cards "Hey, everybody, here are some fun facts, the population in Thailand is 63 million people, It is twice the size of Wyoming, Its chief exports are textiles, footwear and rice. Each year, approximately 13,000 people are killed in car accidents in Thailand" he giggled "the climate in Thailand is..."

Doug stopped him before he got too far into his speech "Alan, uh...Alan, why don't you skip to the last card there, buddy?"

"Okay, sorry, none of you know Stu like I do." He began pointing to everyone "Not you, not you, not you, not you, not nobody knows Stu like I do, no one" Stu looked around, hoping Alan would finish "I can't even tell you what we've been through...because we made a pact, more important than blood, What I can tell you is this, this is not Stu's first marriage" Max and Phil cringed "There was a whore in Las Vegas a couple of years ago..." Phil shot up from the chair and stopped Alan

"You can sit down, bud, you can sit down" everyone was feeling awkward by this point

"It was good. I did good, though"

"Oh, God, you killed it"

"Okay. Thanks, Phil"

"Sit down. Yeah" everyone began clapping once Alan sat down, he turned to Teddy with a smug face

"In your face"

* * *

Once the dinner was over everyone headed back to their room "Well, that was exactly as painful as I expected it to be" Stu said as he pulled his fiancé into his arms and kissed her

"Sorry"

"Oh, rice pudding! What are you doing?" Phil cheered whilst he and Max walked up to the couple

"Ha, ha, ha. Very funny, Phil"

"Be nice, Phil. He's extra sensitive tonight" Lauren warned with a teasing smile

"Get over it, he's your father-in-law, he's supposed to hate you, come have a drink with me, Max and the guys"

Stu tsked at his question "You know, I'm really exhausted, we're just gonna go upstairs and crash"

"I spoke with the manager, he's gonna let us have a beach bonfire" Lauren turned to Stu

"That sounds fun"

"Nah. I'm good"

"You just don't want to be near Alan" Max teased which earned her a glare from the dentist

"Stu, one drink with your friends, they came all this way"

"I just wanna hang out with you"

"Oh, come on, just go and do me a favour, take Teddy with you, he never gets to have any fun" they all looked over to Teddy who was typing away at his computer, studying instead of playing Pc games like a normal 16 year old should be doing

"That is a great idea, bring the kid" Max agreed

"All right, one drink"

Lauren smiled "Perfect" she kissed Stu

"See?" Phil turned to Max, referring to their little bet that Stu wouldn't come down to the beach

"You win" she grumbled and kissed him

"See you later" said Stu

"Have fun" Lauren hugged Max and walked off to find Tracy and her other friends

"Let me grab Teddy and we can head down to the beach" Max and Phil nodded and waited for the dentist and student

* * *

"My Uncle Roger said that he once saw an albino polar bear" Alan bragged

"Really? Polar bears are white" Stu shot back "How would he know if it's an albino?"

"This one was black"

"Did you ever think maybe it was just a black bear?"

"Whatevs" Alan gave up trying to be cool

"Okay, here we go" Phil walked over to the group with an eight pack of beer, he passed it over to Doug

"All right" Doug pulled out a bottle opener

"American beer" Phil walked over to Stu

"Let's do it" Doug said once he flipped the bottle cap off

"Sealed bottles"

"Thank you, all right" Stu checked the bottle to see if it was tampered with

Teddy frowned "Um, I'm not really old enough to drink" Phil still passed him a bottle

"Yeah, it's illegal" Alan said, thinking this could make Teddy leave "be a shame if somebody reported you" he grabbed a beer off Phil

"Nobody's reporting anybody" comforted Stu "It's fine, Teddy. Have a little fun" Phil sat down between Alan and Max and handed a beer over to her

"Careful" Alan said quickly

"What? Oh" Phil grabbed the packets he was about to sit on

"What is this? Roasting marshmallows?" he looked at Doug "Nice touch"

"That was Alan's idea"

"Oh, good thinking, Alan" he threw the bags beside Alan and opened both his and Max's bottles "You know, I gotta hand it to you, Stu, this place is paradise"

"Not bad, right?" Phil shook his head with a fond smile

"And I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm actually jealous of you, I mean, Lauren is an angel"

"Yeah, she really is amazing"

"Even I'm jealous of you and I'm a woman" Max said, not even angry at Phil for commenting on another woman since she knew he was hers

"Wow, you guys are sweet"

AAND Phil decides to ruin it "Not big breasts on her, but still, solid rack for an Asian" he looked at Teddy "Sorry, Teddy, but it's true"

"That's okay"

"That is just wildly inappropriate" Stu glared at Phil

"Don't worry Stu, he talked far worse things to me about Max" Doug said, earning a raised eyebrow from Max

"Really? You better tell me what he says" Doug chuckled

"Only if I get to tell Phil what you say to me about him" she blushed but nodded

"Despite the teasing, I'm really glad you're here, All you guys, even you, Alan, It means a lot that you made the trip, thank you"

"Wouldn't miss it, buddy"

"Great, now can we have our one fucking beer, Dad?" Stu nodded to Phil

"Mm-hm" Phil smiled and stood up

"All right. Toast, come on, stand up, guys" they all stood around the fire "Come over here, Alan" he wrapped an arm around Max's waist and raised his beer "to Lauren and Stu, you did it, buddy"

"You sure did" the brought their beers together over the fire

"Cheers" they all said to Stu

Once again, this would be a night they **wouldn't** remember

* * *

 **Finally, the mind fuckery begins! Bangkok has them now**

 **I cheated and found the entire script of the movie and I just copy the words as i watch the movie. It's reaaally fucking annoying but I will persevere through this for you dear readers. I dropped a hint as to where the finale story will be held. I think I explained this before but I am continuing this story even after the movies are done, I gotta do Alan's after wedding Hangover and then Phil and Max are going to get married so that's another Hangover to do. I will explain this later in my last story**

 **I hope you enjoyed this chapter**

 **SCREAMINGTOMCAT OUT! 3**


	4. Where the fuck is Teddy!

**I'm Back!**

 **I'm sorry I didn't post a chapter yesterday, It was SOOO fucking hot that it sucked the energy right out of me, I did one today so that's good**

 **Please enjoy this chapter**

* * *

Phil woke up with a massive headache and heavy eyes, his vision cleared somewhat which allowed him to see that he had woken in a place he didn't recognize. "What the hell…" He registered a heavy weight on his body and looked down to see Max's sleeping face resting on his chest, her hair was tousled and her make-up was smudged "Max…Max wake up" he shook her lightly and heard her groan

"But I wanna sleeeeeep" she whined and buried her head into his chest

"Max, where not at the resort" she sighed and pushed up off his chest and straddled his lap, he noticed the dress she was wearing was pushed down off her naked chest and bunched up around her waist and once against she was covered in hickeys and bite marks.

"Where are we?" she said in a rough, scratchy voice

Phil sat up and cradled her to his chest whilst he looked around, they were in a hot, dirty room where the walls were stained and the floors were dirty and scratched to hell, alcohol bottles and cigarette buds littered the tables, floors and chairs, they certainly weren't at the resort "Let's go see where we are" Max nodded and slipped off his lap, she noticed the state of her dress and covered herself

"Where is my underwear?" she whispered to herself once she was fully covered, Phil shrugged and pulled her to his chest "Phil…your not tucked in" she pointed to his member hanging out of his pants

"It doesn't surprise me that we got drunk and fucked" he tucked himself back into his pants and pulled Max with him over to the window, he grabbed the shades off the table to cover his eyes from the harsh glare of the sun

"What the fuck?" Max muttered to herself when she saw the busy streets outside the window and not the serene, crystal clear water of Thailand. A loud thump from behind them startled the couple

"What?" they jerked around to see a bold guy with something red over his head lying face first on the ground, groaning to himself

"No" he muttered to himself, he wriggled onto his elbows and knees, he got onto his feet and turned around to reveal that it was Alan, he wobbled slightly and waddled over to Phil and Max who had turned back to the window "Phil?" Alan rasped out "I think it's happened again"

Phil turned to look at Alan "Alan what the fuck did you do?"

Alan shook his head "I didn't do anything, I swear to god"

Max turned to Alan and frowned "Why are you wearing my underwear on your head" she snatched them off his head and held onto them until she could clean them a little, who knows where his head has been

"You hair is gone" Alan gasp and touched his beard "No, no…up" he pointed up to the roof, Alan felt the smoothness of his head and laughed softly "Where the fuck are we?" Phil pulled away from Max and put his hands on his head whilst looking around the stuffy room, the trio stiffened when the power went out and they were standing in a dark room lit only by the sun shining through the window

"Phil I'm scared" Alan whispered, Max frowned and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder

"UUUUUGH!" a loud moan was heard from the next room

"What was that?" Max whispered, Phil hurried off and walked into Alan who lost his balanced and fell over the table and onto the floor, Max ignored him and followed Phil, they hurried into what they now realized was a bathroom and saw Stu laying in the bathtub with a pillow, he was curled into a ball and was groaning

"Stu, come on, get up" Phil clapped his hands together loudly that startled Stu and hurt Max's ears "we got a situation" Stu turned around and Max and Phil gasped silently and put hands to their mouths to stop something from coming out, on the left side of Stu's face was an exact replica of Mike Tyson's tattoo "Oh holy shit"

"Where are we?" Stu looked at Alan with wide eyes "Oh, my god, Alan, your head" he found his glasses and put them on

Alan frowned "no, your head"

Stu looked at Phil "He's bold"

"Stu, you're gonna freak out but it's gonna be ok" Phi tried to use the calmest tone he possessed but Stu still started to panic

"Why? What's…? Is it my teeth?" he rushed out of the tub

"It's not your teeth"

"Are you sure?"

"Yep" he got closer to Phil and open his mouth

"Did you check the bottoms?" he asked desperately

"I did" Stu rushed to the mirror and saw the tattoo on his face, his body shook

"Oh, my god" he touched it and felt the sting of a new tattoo "What the fuck? Ow!" he ran his hand under the water and tried to wash the tattoo off

"That's good, why don't you try to wash it off?" Phil was trying not to laugh at his friend

"It's not coming off!" he cried "This is a real tattoo!"

"Don't worry Stu, Max got one aswell" Max stiffed and looked at Alan who pointed at her back, she pushed Stu out of the way and turned around to see this tattoo through the mirror, she sighed when she realized it was not as bad as Stu's, in black writing was Phil's, Eli's, Eden's, Penny's and her own name surrounded by a Celtic band . She wasn't fazed by the tattoo like Stu was with his, one because her's wasn't shitty and on her face and two because she has plenty of tattoos already, she has a Gypsie woman on her right shoulder and on her right forearm was a rose with a scroll wrapped around it saying 'how could something so beautiful exist in a world full of despair and ugliness', on her right hip bone was a Cheshire cat grin and her last tattoo was of a black Fleur-de-lis on the left side of her neck. Her grandparents didn't like her tattoos, in fact they didn't like tattoos at all 'they were a desecration of the skin', her parents didn't give a shit because they were covered in tattoos and Phil found them incredibly sexy and said they gave her a seductive badass look

"Alan what did you do? Did you roofie me?" Stu asked angrily whilst Max was checking out her tattoo

"I didn't do anything" Alan cried back

"Stu, he swore to god" Phil defended, his eyes not looking away from the tattoo on Max's back

Stu huffed and turned away from the group "What happened" he hissed, they stood in silence for a moment but all started screaming when a monkey landed on Stu's shoulder "AAAAAHH!"

"Oh jeez!"

"What is it!? what is it!?"

"Stop screaming!"

"Help! Back there! What are you?!" The monkey jumped off Stu's shoulder and onto a hanging light "Oh what the hell!"

"Oh it's a monkey" Alan cried happily

"Everyone calm down" Max said softly to not scare the monkey

"Hi little monkey" Alan stepped forward and reached his hand up to pet the monkey, it whimpered and slapped it away "butthole"

"You don't put fat fingers in front of a monkeys face" Max stepped forward and made kissy noses with her mouth "Hey there little buddy" she brought her arm out at a 90 degrees angle like you would for an eagle to perch on your hand "come here sweetie" the monkey chipped and jumped down onto her arm, he scurried up onto her shoulder and let his tail wrap around her neck "that wasn't that hard"

"Says the vet" Stu muttered

"Yeah you did a summer being a vet at the L.A zoo" Phil crossed his arms and started the woman who was cooing at the monkey as if he was her own child

"Alright well when we need someone to use history or dental work I'll be sure to let you handle it" she smirked at the boys only to stop when they heard a phone

"Phone" Phil said to himself

"Hi monkey" Alan went to touch the monkey but Phil stopped him

"Look, Alan, Alan, go find the phone" Phil went into one room whilst Alan went into the other, Stu and Max stood still, staring at each other

"I got it!" Phil yelled when he saw the phone on a bench in the same room Alan was looking "Doug, Doug, where the hell are you?" he hoped that they didn't lose Doug again

"I'm at breakfast, by the pool, you guys coming down or what?" Doug's voice came through the phone

Phil sighed in relief "Oh, Jesus, thank god, Doug's fine" he said to Alan "Stu, Max, Doug's fine! He's at the resort"

"Why aren't we at the resort" Stu said from the room on the other side of the bathroom

"Shut up and keep trying to find your pants" Max ordered Stu

"What's going on? Where are you guys?" Doug asked

"I don't know, man, we woke up in some shithole room in some city"

"Oh god, what city?"

"I don't know, Doug, fucking Asia Town" Phil huffed "I don't know, I told you"

"Where are we?" Stu muttered to Max who shrugged

"I have no fucking idea" she replied

"Hey Stu, Max"

"What?"

"What is it Alan?" they looked to see Alan kneeling in front of a pile of blankets, he was staring intently at a small back furry thing in the middle "Check this out, you ever seen anything like this?" Stu waddled over and knelt beside Alan to look at the strange thing, Max followed shortly after. Stu went to touch the thing "careful, might be a spider's nest, I've tangled with these before"

"Alright, we got a little bit of a problem" Phil walked into the room and saw what the other three were looking at "What is that?"

Stu turned to Phil "we don't know" Phil bent down for a closer look

"Is it a worm?"

"It's a mushroom" Alan touched the weird lump and brought his fingers up to taste them "yeah, Shitake" the monkey hopped off Max's shoulder and waddled over to the mushroom "Monkey, taste it, what do you think? Is it a shitake?"

"Alan don't make him taste it"

"He can't understand you" to prove Phil wrong and licked the lump

"He just did" said Stu "Why is he pulling on it?"

"He's probably hungry"

Phil frowned "Wait a second, is that….?" The monkey slapped the lump hard and the whole blanket lurched forward, the four of them shot back and the monkey ran back up onto Max's shoulder

"Aah! What the fuck man?!" the blankets fell off to reveal Chow "Tell that gay monkey to leave my shit alone!"

"Chow!?" Phil shouted

"You fucking crazy" Chow stood up and covered his eyes "Ah, so fucking light in here, Alan, grab me my sunglasses" Alan rushed up to Chow and hugged him

"It's great to see you, Leslie"

"MM, nice to see you too my little hobo" Alan walked off to do what Chow told him to

Phil glared at he small man "Chow, what the fuck are you doing here?"

"Alan called me a few days ago and invited me to wedding" he pulled up his pants and allowed Alan to put his glasses on his face

"Excuse me?" Stu asked with a sneer

"What? He's my plus one"

Stu was now glaring "You didn't have a plus one it's $200 a plate"

Phil shook his head "Guys, guys, just focus ok? Chow what happened"

"You guys texted me, said you fucked up and looking to party" Chow and Alan giggled at each other "I picked you up in my boat and I brought you here to Bangkok" he grabbed a shirt and sat down on the couch "And we had a sick night, bitches!"

"Whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait, wait a second Chow" Phil pulled Max over to him and they sat down on the couch "Chow, we're in Bangkok?"

"Haller! City of squalor!"

"Why does this happen to us?" Max whined to herself, the monkey jumped off her and waddled off somewhere

"Do you know how I got this tattoo?" Stu asked

"Uh, yeah, from a fucking tattoo guy" Chow snickered "come on, Stewie, use that big Jewish brain"

"Hey what's the monkey holding?" Alan pointed to the monkey that was nibbling on a finger with a ring

"That's a finger!" Stu growled

"No shit that's a finger!" Max snapped, she was worried about whoever owned that finger

"Stu I got some bad news" Phil leaned over to Stu "Teddy was with us last night…that's his finger"

"Teddy…Teddy's dead?"

Chow snorted "Teddy not dead, he party with us all night"

"Well then where is he?" Phil challenged

"Don't you remember anything"

"No!"

"No nothing Chow" Max huffed and lent her head on Phil's shoulder

"Ok, ok, I explain it all, ok?" Chow said as he poured some cocaine on the back of his hand "Just let me do one bump, get my head straight" everyone watched him in silence "come to papa" he brought his hand up to his nose "Ok"

"That's a big…"

"That's can't be good for you" Max said in concern as she watched Chow snort the cocaine

"You ready for craziest fucking story of-" Chow stopped speaking and froze, his whole body stiffened and then smashed his face into the table

"Shit Chow!" Max pushed Phil out of the way and knelt in front of the small man

"Mr Chow are you ok?" Alan asked, fearing for his friend

"You gotta be kidding me, is he ok?" Phil asked Max who had two fingers pressed against Chow's neck, she turned to him and shook her head "Fuck he's dead!" Phil shouted and stepped away

Stu stood up and started screaming "Help!"

"Stu"

"Help! Help!"

"Stu shut up" Alan started to cry

"Stu, shut up, Stu shut up" Max jumped up and rushed over to Alan, she pulled him into her arms and tried to calm him down

"Call an ambulance!" Stu kept screaming

"Stu Shut up!" Phil shouted angrily "He's dead, look, If someone comes and finds a dead body and a pile of cocaine we'll spend the rest of our lives in Thai prison, Shh!" he turned to the crying bearded child "Alan, Alan, please stop crying" Alan stopped the whimpering but still had tears leaking out of his eyes, he held onto Max whilst she stroked his back "All right, All right! I just need a second to figure this out" Stu collapsed back down on the floor, everyone was silent, Max called the monkey over and let it crawl onto Alan's shoulder in hopes that it calmed Alan down "I got an idea, Stu, help me carry Stu down to the ice machine on floor 15, Alan, Max, walk ahead of us and make sure the coast is clear"

They wrapped Chow up in a blanket and Stu grabbed Chow's feet whilst Phil grabbed his head "This is the worst idea ever, what the fuck is this place?" Phil was regretting his idea

"Bangkok is the capital of Thailand, it's population is 12 million people" Alan still had his information cards and was reading off them

Phil huffed "Alan put the cards away and help" Alan rushed up and grabbed Chow's butt "Max keeping looking for people" she nodded and raced ahead of them

"Get in the Elevator" Max ordered whilst pressing the button, the monkey jumped onto Chow's body and waddled onto Phil's shoulder

"What the fuck is the deal with this monkey?"

"The monkey gets it" Alan said with a chuckle

"The elevators not working" the group groaned at Max's statement

"Come on!" Stu yelled

"Fuck no the powers out, we gotta take the stairs"

"Ah fuck!" Max grabbed the monkey and let it's tail wrap around her neck, they carried the dead body up the stairs and over to the ice machine

"Feet first, feet first, I've done this before" Alan ordered, they opened the door and put the body inside "Alright, careful, careful" they shut the doors once Chow was inside and locked it, they all collectively sighed and slid to the floor

"Stu" Phil said between pants

"What?"

"We still have to find Teddy"

Stu cringed "Oh, god" Stu was silent before his eyes went wide and he yelled "The roof!" they all got up and raced outside

"Teddy!"

"Teddy!"

"Teddy where are you?"

"Teddy! Teddy!"

"Teddy! Teddy!" they looked around but saw nothing

"You guys see anything!"

"No!"

"Come on where are you buddy?" Phil whispered to himself as he looked over the city of Bangkok, Max and Stu jogged stopped beside him

"He's not here" Stu huffed "I can't believe this is happening again"

Phil turned to Max and Stu "ok, Stu look, we'll handle this, you get back there, you tell them that Alan, Max and I got drunk with him, we're still partying" Stu shook his head "You gotta get married"

"No, no, I'm not going back without Teddy"

"It's not like we can fucking find him Stu" Max snapped

"It's Lauren's little brother, he's lost, he's injured" Stu took a deep breath "If I fucked this up…I lose everything"

"Ok" Phil began "Alright, Alan, check your pockets" the trio walked over to Alan and emptied their pockets, except for Max, she doesn't have pockets "Come on their might be clues"

"Check your phones, numbers, texts"

"Oh that's a good idea, oh, Max, I have your purse and phone" Phil handed Max her things and she thanked him, her phone hand no texts and her purse didn't have anything new in it "I got nothing, fuck"

"I don't have anything either"

"Me neither"

"I got a text from Chow" Alan said

"What time?" Stu asked

"Uh, 10:00 last night"

"What's it say?"

"On my way, niggas, Oh ok, Niggas, hip-hop"

"We are so fucked" Stu snapped

"Hey Phil"

"What" Phil looked to Alan who was pointing at the monkey who had waddled off somewhere

"Look who's back, hi"

"We got to get you out of the sun, get you a hat" Phil rubbed Alan's bold head

"And I need clean underwear"

* * *

 **Man it is so hot where I live in Australia, it's summer here and there is no such thing as snow, it's a myth. I could cook a fucking egg on my driveway its that hot, i'm dying so if I for some reason don't post a chapter i'm probably lying on my bed like a star so none of my skin touched anything.**

 **Sorry about the ramble**

 **SCREAMINGTOMCAT OUT! 3**


	5. Who the fuck is this!

**This is late and short because I had to cook dinner for my family tonight, I made a delicious Vegan Spaghetti Bolognais that was divine. I will catch up to my made up quota tomorrow and will do longer chapters if I can**

 **Please enjoy this chapter**

* * *

The streets of Bangkok were busy with the bustle of the day, wherever you step a person would be in front of you, beside you and behind you, the shops were full of yelling people who wanted to grab what they wanted and leave before anyone "Phil, I really think we should go to the American Consulate" said Stu as the gang made their way through the ocean of people

"For what? Report a dead body we shoved into an ice machine?" Phil shot back, his hand wrapped tightly around Max's so she wouldn't be lost as she was distracted by all the people and interesting things people were selling, she had the attention span of a cat sometimes

Stu rolled his eyes "Are we gonna keep walking in circles? That's real productive"

Phil glared at Stu "I'm trying to figure this out, your attitude is not helping-Max don't touch the elephant, your worse than Alan" Max looked back to where she was walking and Alan pouted at Phil's indirect insult

"Well, I'm sorry, it's 100 degrees and we don't have a plan" Stu began ranting "and all we've done is buy him hats and sodas" he pointed to Alan "and Max new underwear"

"If don't want me to show my bare ass and cunt to the world I suggest you shut the fuck up!" Max snapped, god Stu could create wars between countries with his constant whining and panicking

Phil shook his head and pointed to Stu "Alright, what do you wanna do Stu?"

Stu jerked his head to Phil "I don't know!"

"Then stop yelling at me like it's my fault!" Phil yelled

"It is your fault!" Stu snapped back "All I wanted was a bachelor brunch" Phil's phone started ringing

"Shit, shut up it's Doug" he brought his phone up to his ear "talk to me"

 _"_ _Just got off the phone with Bangkok P.D, they got him, he's ok"_ Doug's rushed voice came through

"Oh thank god, Doug found him" Phil said to the group who let out a breath of relief "What happened"

 _"_ _He got arrested"_

"Arrested? For what?"

 _"_ _Disorderly conduct"_

"Seriously?"

 _"_ _Yeah, he's ok though"_ Doug comforted " _They'll release him to you, no questions asked, no one here has to know"_ There was a pause _"He's at the, uh…Ratchawang Police Station"_

"Ok, Ok, I'll call you when we get there" Phil snapped his phone shut and looked to the other two "Teddy's in jail but fine, we gotta get a cab"

Stu sighed "ok, all right" Phil rushed over to Max who had walked over to a store selling strange food and grabbed her hand, he lead her through the people and over to a cab that would take them to the police station

"Do you think they took care of his finger?" Max asked as they all sat in the cab car

"Yeah they wouldn't let him bleed out" Stu said from the front seat

Max nodded "It's just that if they kept him from going sceptic we can get Teddy to a hospital where they can re-attach his finger" (I don't know if that's true, i watched the Simpsons)

"But we didn't take his finger with us" said Alan

"I put it in the ice machine with Chow so it wouldn't shrivel" Phil ruffled her hair

"Good thinking" the car went silent for the remainder of the trip

* * *

Alan, Max and Stu were sitting on a bench whilst Phil talked to the officer and the administration, Max had the monkey on her shoulder who was looking at a newspaper as if he could read it, she was stroking his tail absentmindedly "Yes I have his paperwork here" the officer said to Phil

"Ok"

"He has been cleared"

"Sounds good, of course, thank you" Phil turned around and walked back to the group "We're good, we're good, they're processing for release" Stu laughed in happiness and relief "Yeah, they threw him in the drunk tank, he's fine"

"16 years old, spent a night in jail, can you imagine?"

Alan decided to bring in his 2 cent piece "we love to party" the group shook their head but didn't disagree

The gate off to the side opened and an officer wheeled in an old man in a wheelchair "Here we go" the group turned and saw that this was not Teddy, however, he was wearing Teddy's jumper "Wait, who's this fucking guy?" Phi asked

"Teddy Srisai" the officer replied

"What…? No, no, no, I'm so-" the officer ignored him and walked away "It's the wrong guy, sir" he raced to the administration "Excuse me, I'm sorry uh, there's been a mistake" Phil pointed to the old man "He brought the wrong guy, that's not Teddy"

The officer shook his head "Of course it is, we have his IDs and everything" Stu walked up just as the officer pulled out a stack of cards "These were in his pockets when we made the arrest" Phil looked at the IDs and pointed to the old man

"They were in his pocket?" the officer nodded, Stu grabbed the ID and walked over to the old man

"Excuse me sir" Stu said politely "how did you get this stuff?" the man didn't reply "hello?"

"Teddy doesn't speak" said the officer "We tried English, Thai, Chinese, nothing"

Stu walked over to the officer "Let me ask you something, does he look like he works out at Bally Total Fitness in Pale Alto, California?!" he put the ID on the window for the officer to look at

"Look, we arrest a lot of people, we cannot analyse everything, alright?" behind them, Alan and not Teddy were having a strange stare off, Max was playing with the monkey

"Well, what do you expect us to do with this guy?" Phil asked

The Officer looked at Phil like he couldn't give a shit "not my problem" the office walked away

"Hey guys" Alan called to the group, they all looked over to him "I think he knows us" the old man was holding Alan's hand a smirking "Hi, hello"

"Oh god…what did we do to this man" the monkey began patting Max's head

* * *

"Do you know where our friend is?! Teddy, he's missing!" Stu had spent the last two minutes yelling at the old man's face

"Stu forget it, the guy's worthless" Phil said from the bench he was sitting, he was sitting on the back of the bench with Max between his legs, he had Teddy's stack of cards resting on her head as he looked for at them bordely, Max was rubbing his legs soothingly whilst she looked at her surroundings

"He knows something, he's wearing Teddy's sweatshirt" Stu began pacing "What if he just doesn't understand? Uh I'll act it out, yeah like charades watch" he grabbed the ID cards off Phil and turned to the old man, he held up two fingers "Two words"

"Is it a movie?" Alan asked, Stu turned to him with a glare

"This is not for you Alan" he brought Teddy's ID up and pointed to it

"American teenager in Asia…Karate Kid with Jaden Smith" Stu gave up "It's easy because you were talking through it"

"Stu, it's a waste of time, just leave this fucking guy here" Max pinched the back of his leg "Oww! What the fuck Max?"

"We are not leaving a poor old man by himself, you said the same thing with the baby Carlos"

"I'm not pushing him"

"I will" she looked up and him, the back of her head resting on his lap "I don't want you to waist your energy on helping people" Phil chuckled and leaned down and kissed her

"You get me" he looked to Stu "She gets me"

"Yeah…she gets you" Stu said blandly, not understand how Max and Phil can joke around whilst Teddy is missing

"Oh, here's something, there are 500 000 monks living in Thailand" Alan read from his cards "it is not uncommon for some monks to take a vow of silence at the age of 8, there you go"

"Is there anything else in that envelope?" Stu asked Phil

"No, it's empty" Phil slapped the bag on Max's head, they were silent until Stu saw something in Teddy's pile of cards

"Whoa, hang on, a drink card from White Lion Bar, Bangkok" he passed it over to Phil

"Worth a shot" he nudged Max and waited for her to move out of the way before he too stood up, Max pushed the old man from behind the group as they travelled through Bangkok to look for this bar

* * *

 **It is done, I know it's small but I didn't have a lot of time to type it because it's late and I have to wake up early tomorrow. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I shall see you again**

 **SCREAMINGTOMCAT OUT! 3**


	6. Look deep within

**Hello, this chapter is longer and I am thinking of doing more than one tomorrow**

 **Please enjoy**

* * *

The gang felt really confused as they walked through a street that was almost empty, every other street was covered in people but this one had almost no one, the only people here were shop owners and a few pedestrians milling about, others were cleaning up the messy floors that looked as if a grenade had gone off "Jesus Christ, is this the right street?" Phil asked as his eyes roamed around

Stu pulled out the card and looked it over "That's what it says" he replied

"This place is pretty empty for a street that has a bar in it" said Max from in front of the group, she swerved the man in the wheelchair around all the rubbish as best as she could, when she looked to the right she slowed down and widened her eyes in shock as she looked at what was once the White lion

Stu had noticed what Max saw and stopped beside her "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa" he gasped and pointed at the sign that was barely hanging onto the building and was covered in scorch marks and slightly melted metal "This is the White Lion"

"The fuck happened here?" Phil asked, his eyes squinted in confusion

"Holy shit" Stu cursed, Alan remained silent and stared at the damage

A man cleaning the floor turned and saw the group, he shouted at them in his language that non of them understood, his threatened them with his broom, forcing them to move away, he did not look happy "Oh ok, just keep walking, yeah" Phil grabbed Max and pulled her to him protectively, Alan moved over to the old man and pushed the wheelchair instead

"Ok yeah, we probably should go" Stu walked over to the other side of Alan and hurried alongside them, everyone on the street was glaring at them hatefully, a woman off to the side threw a damaged object at Stu's face "Ah shit!" she screamed in surprise

"Just keep walking" Phil ordered sternly, though his tone was laced with anxiety that grew the further they walked "What the fuck is going on?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa" Alan stopped the group and pointed at a building "Guys, check it out"

Phil saw what Alan was talking about and raced over to a wall that had photos of different tattoos "Holy shit Stu, look" he pointed to a picture of Stu with his Mike Tyson tattoo

"That's my face!" Stu cried "Go, go, go" Phil threw open the door and walked in with the other three following closely "Nice work Alan"

Inside the building was a man tattooing a young boy that looked like he was 8 years old, maybe even younger "Hello?" Phil called out

The man didn't look away from his work "be with you in a minute"

"Excuse me" the tattoo artist looked up at Phil and smiled

"Oh, look who it is" he looked to the kid "So, what do you think?"

"What? I'm sorry" Stu asked

"The tattoo? You love it?" the tattoo artist looked at Stu then Max

"Uh, no, actually, I hate it" Stu said meanly

"I like mine" Max piped up

"No refunds, get the fuck out" the man looked back to the kid

"Wait a second" the man turned back to Phil

"Read the sign" they group looked up at the wall and saw the sign that said 'no refunds, get the fuck out'

"We don't want a refund, we just have a couple of questions" said Phil "we're trying to figure out what went down last night"

The man raised his eyebrows "What went down? Look what you did outside, half the neighbourhood went down"

"We did that?" Stu asked in shock

"You don't remember getting in a bar fight at the White Lion? Starting a full on fucking riot?"

"No sir, we don't remember anything" the man looked at them for a moment and laughed, thinking they were joking, when he realised they were not he turned to the boy "Hold this, oh, boy" he grabbed his phone "Check this out" he passed the phone over to Phil

The quartet looked at the phone "Holy shit" they watched a video that had a naked Stu swinging his shirt around and screaming 'fuck the police!' the phone panned over to Teddy who screamed at the camera, Phil was looking at the camera further back, he had Max on his back and the two were cheering loudly

"There's Teddy, he was with us" the next bit showed the police showing up and throwing tear gas towards the giant group of screaming people, Teddy took off his jumper and pressed it into the old man in the wheelchairs face before he ran off with the rest of the group, when the video ended Phil turned the phone off and passed it back to the tattoo artist

"Jesus Christ"

"I just saw a naked Stu" Max muttered with a now scarred mind

"That's when the cops arrived, started cracking skulls" the man put his phone on the table behind him "I took you guys and hid you in the shop here, then you both decided to get a tattoo" he pointed to Stu "you cried like a little bitch, the kids fucking 9 years old, he's got ball twice your size, show him your balls, man"

"No, no, no, that's ok"

"The chick on the other hand was moaning like I was fucking her brains out" Max blushed heavily

"I…getting a tattoo is pleasurable…that's all" Phil noticed how Max was uncomfortable and tried to bring the attention to him

"Listen, we're looking for our friend Teddy, have you seen him?" the tattoo artist shrugged at Phil's question

"Not since last night, why what happened?"

"Yeah I'm supposed to marry his sister tomorrow and we kind of lost him" the tattoo artist shrugged at Stu and turned back to the kid

"Oh well, then fuck it"

Stu glared at the man "What do you mean, 'fuck it'?"

"Bangkok has him now and she'll never let him go"

Phil huffed and turned to the old man angrily "You hear that? Huh? Is this what you wanted? Happy now?"

"Phil" Alan tried to push Phil away

"You're wasting your time, these monks take their vow shit seriously" the tattoo artist grabbed the man hand that had a tattoo on it "Look at this, that's the sign of the Chiang Mei monastery just outside of town, maybe somebody over there can get him to talk"

The group thanked the man-even though he didn't help them at all- and rushed out to get a cab, they asked the man to drive them to the monastery in hopes that they will find clues as to Teddy's whereabouts, they found three seats that the other cab riders weren't sitting in, Max had to sit on Phil's lap as there were no other seats "Can we just go over this one more time? You got the beer from…"

"The hotel bar" Phil continued on for Stu "they gave me a sealed case"

Stu nodded "Right but who gave it to you?"

"The bartender"

"Right ok and then you brought them out and I opened them"

"Yeah and Doug had one and he was fine, so it's not the beer"

"So what the hell happened?"

"I have no idea"

"Hey guys, check it out" the trio looked over to Alan who had put his empty water bottle under the old man's robe "he's got a Chinese boner"

"Alan come on, cut it out" The monkey jumped off Stu's lap and sat on the old mans, he nibbled on the bottles tip, the group, including all the other passengers, started laughing

Alan cracked up laughing "The monkey is a pervert"

"Come on, that is so wrong" said Stu, his voice trailing off into a chuckle

"Hey don't stop monkey, keep doing it" Alan cheered the monkey on "When a monkey nibbles on a penis, it's funny in any language"

"Oh my god I'm dying!" Max cried, unable to contain her laughter

"Keep doing it!"

They laughed and continued to joke until they stopped in front of the monastery "Alright, thank you" Phil paid the driver

"Let me push him Alan" Max gently pushed Alan out of the way "it might look better if I push him in" Alan pouted but knew she was right, the monks might not like seeing one of their own being pushed in by a fat, bearded, bald man

"We good?" Phil asked as the cab drove away

"Bye Shannon, Bye Lil Wayne" Alan called out to the people at the back of the car, even though they would not understand him

They turned back to the monastery and pushed open the large wooden door with golden engraving on the bottom, through the doors was a beautiful garden with bright green grass and leaves and various different coloured flowers that were vibrant littered the garden, further back were Chinese building with monks passing through or kneeling down to pray or meditate "Wow, so beautiful"

"I wouldn't mind turning into a man and becoming a monk if I could live here"

Phil huffed "Please don't do that, I don't want to be dating a monk..." Max giggled and nudged him "What is this a P.F. Chang's?"

"Ah they're meditating" they walked over to the closes hut

"Such a peaceful people"

"Yeah"

"I'll stay here with him whilst you talk to the man up front" Max stopped just before the hut and watched the others walk forward

"Knock Knock, hello!" Alan shouted at the quiet people

"Alan, Alan, show some respect, don't get up guys" Stu scolded sternly, the man up the front grabbed his staff and walked towards the trio

"We brought one of your guys back" Alan continued to shout "He's really funny, he's really nice and cool" the man stopped before Alan "Hi how you doing?"

"Uh are you the one in charge?" asked Phil, the monk turned to Phil and wacked the teachers face with his staff

"Hey! Aah!" Alan got hit aswell

"Excuse me ow!" Stu was hit

"Stop it!" **wack!**

"Just calm down! Aah!" **wack!**

"Hold on! Ah!" **wack! "** It's because! Ow" **wack!** "we're talking! Ah!" **wack!** "stop talking!" **wack!** "Goddamn it!" **wack!** "don't! stop!" **wack!** "wait it's me!" **wack!** "stop hitting me!" **wack!**

"Oh I get it" **wack!** Alan went flying past Max who was trying hard not to laugh, she knew that when monks were meditating it was considered ruse to speak but she didn't want to say anything, she's rather let them figure it out themselves

Phil, who finally realised why he was getting hit, put his hands out and made a shh motion and mouthed the words 'no talk', the monk saw Max with one of his brothers and motioned for them to follow him. They followed him into a quiet mediation room with candles and incense, a more seasoned monk was standing before them lighting the altar, the monk that they followed walked up to him and whispered softly into the other monks ear, when the man was made aware of the situation he laid his incense sticks on the altar table and turned to the quartet "Late last night, you climbed the walls of our monastery shouting out question about love, marriage and the meaning of life" he pointed to the monk in the wheelchair "poor Brother Han was meditating alone in the garden and you took him" the quartet cringed

"Oh, my god" Stu whispered "we kidnapped a monk" he said to Phil

"Uh, we live an alternative lifestyle" Alan said to the monk in front of him

"And we are so sorry about that, but we weren't ourselves last night" "

Stu nodded at Phil's words and continued for him "Yup, things kind of spun out of control a little bit but there's a boy who's missing and hurt, can you find out if he knows where our friend is?"

"Brother Han took a vow of silence many years ago, it would be useless to try"

"Well maybe he can write down what happened on a piece of paper" Alan turned to Phil

"Actually that would be cheating, right Grand Wizard?" Max sighed from beside the bearded child

"Alan" Phil scolded

"I'm afraid fatty is right"

"See? What?" the monk continued despite Alan's glare

"None of us will ever know what Brother Han knows"

Phil huffed "Oh, all right, so much for holy people, bunch of bold assholes, come on, let's go" Phil was frustrated "hey, you know what? FYI, you may wanna put some sighs up that say 'no talking' before you unleash your dragon"

"Yeah that was a little rough"

Phil walked over and pulled Max into his side, she let him do what he wanted "oh and your welcome for bringing him back safe, you know we found him in a drunk tank"

"We did take him in the first place"

"come on, guys, lets go" the group turned to leave

"Wait" the seasoned monk stopped them "The Buddha teach, every memory lives somewhere deep within, perhaps you should bring your question to the garden of meditation"

"Did you understand a word he said?" Phil asked

"About two thirds" Stu replied "something about the garden of meditation?"

Alan shook his head "No, he said he's farting because of his meditation, I get that"

"I'm not even gonna indult you for that" Max muttered to herself

The group was sitting at the back of one of the meditation huts, their eyes were closed as they forced themselves to relax and try to reach deep within their minds "this is a waste of time I don't remember anything" Phil whispered harshly "Do you?"

"No I got nothing"

"Max?" Max sighed and her body flopped down onto Phil's "she fell asleep" Phil snorted and stroked her blonde hair, he closed his eyes and tried to meditate

 ** _"_** ** _Phil! Don't I'm ticklish!"_** a younger version of Max's voice fluttered through his mind, he suddenly saw a younger Phil tickling a young Max on his old bed, he remembered this, they've been dating since they were 12, they were now 16 years old and were home alone **_"Please stop!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Come on Max I can't stop, your too cute when your giggle"_** he stopped tickling Max and pulled her over to him, he laid back on his back and let her rest her head on naked his chest **_"Sooo…my parents aren't home?"_** he let a lewd smirk cross her face

 ** _"_** ** _You want to fuck me again? But we just went…I don't know if I can go another round…"_** Max said nervously, this was the first time they had sex he remembered, it was the greatest moment of his life

 ** _"_** ** _Sorry I just…can't get enough of you"_** he stroked her hair and they fell silent

 ** _"_** ** _Do you…do you think we'll be together after we leave highschool?"_** Max asked hesitantly

 ** _"_** ** _Of course we will, we're great together"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Do you think…we'll get married?"_** Phil tensed, he never thought about marriage before

 ** _"_** ** _Sure babe…if we're together long enough then I'll propose to you"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Well…I guess we could go another round now"_** Phil smirked and pulled Max into a passionate kiss, the memory disappeared before he could see what happened next. Back then he only said it to appease Max and maybe get her to go another round, which worked as they had fun until his parents got home, now however he thought about her question a bit more seriously, this whole dangerous situation made him realise that the next time they have a blackout she may not be alive, he wanted to do everything with her before he lost her

He finished his inner monolouge and opened his eyes just as Alan snapped his open "I know where to go" Alan said softly

They woke Max up and headed off to wherever Alan saw in his vision

* * *

 **Tada! I decided to write that little fluff bit for a reason, it is the start of a buildup for the next story, I am doing the last Hangover after my very own story, it will be of Max's and Phil's wedding where they all once again get drugged and black out! I'm still thinking up ideas but for now i will be continuing on with this story**

 **SCREAMINGTOMCAT OUT! 3**


	7. It's called Bangkok for a reason

**Hello! We are at the ladyboy section with my new friend Kimmy, I also added a twist to Spur on Phil...i'm not telling youuuu, you have to read to find out!**

 **Please enjoy**

* * *

They stood in front of Slam Sams, the place that Alan saw in his vision that everyone was confused about because he said that everyone was kids "What do you think Alan?" Phil asked

"Uh, this is the place"

"You don't sound so sure" Max replied as her eyes hers scanned over the prostitutes seducing customers into their business, she knew their game, she used to do the same thing when she worked at a bar, she wasn't a prostitute but the technique was still the same, you find a man sitting or walking by themselves and strike up a conversation, act cute and giggle at everything they say, flirt as much as possible and act as if you are interested, when it gets to a point where the man is enraptured by you, convince them to buy you a drink and if you are a prostitute or stripper you convince them to buy your time but make sure that they think it was their idea. It's the perfect ploy and works every time, even on women

"Come on, let's go" Phil nudged Alan forward and pulled Max in along with him, seeing as they were walking into a bar full of drunken, horny men, he wanted to have Max as close to him as possible. Inside the bar had women grinding their scantily clad bodies on poles and squatting down to give the costumers a better view of what they can get if they give a little more money

"I don't remember any of this" Stu cried out over the loud music

"Yeah Alan, are you sure this is the place?"

"Yeah, pretty sure" Alan began bobbing up and down to the music

They stopped in the middle of the bar where a man saw them and smiled widely "Bros, Chica, finally!" the man yelled cheerfully "Is he coming or what? I've been waiting all day for him"

Phil looked at the man in confusion "Uh, I'm sorry, waiting for who?"

"Chow, that dick ass fuck" Max snorted as tried to contain her laughter "Why what's wrong?"

Phil vehemently shook his head "Nothing, nothing's wrong"

"Ok, good, look at this" he grabbed an object wrapped in a white cloth and showed the group "look what I bring for him, check it out huh? Huh?" the group backed away when he revealed a Mini Uzi

"No, no, no" Stu cried in fear

"$6000 American"

"Wow it looks so real" Alan picked it up and pressed the trigger, the Mini Uzi fire at the roof above and around the bar as Alan lost control, every one crouched down in fear of being shot by one of the stray bullets, Phil grabbed Max and covered her body with his much larger one, she was screaming in fear and clutching onto his shirt tightly "Sorry, ahem, sorry" Alan had stopped firing the gun and was now looking at everyone sheepishly

"Alan! What the fuck!?" Phil screamed angrily, he pulled Max up with him but kept her close since she was still trembling, her face was buried in his chest and her eyes were squinted shut "Max it's alright now" he spoke to Max soothingly and stroked her back comfortingly

"Hmm I hate gun…" she mumbled into his chest, she was beginning to calm down

"It's ok! It's ok, the gun, very sensitive, very sensitive" he grabbed the gun off Alan and kept it far away from him "everybody ok?"

"Yeah ok"

"Ok? Then get the fuck back to work!" the girls climbed back up and onto her trembling feet "Come on! Music please!" once the music was playing and the girls were dancing did he turn back to the gang "who has my $6000?"

Phil shook his head "No, no, no, that's Chow's deal, we got nothing to do with that"

The bar owner scowled "Un-fucking believable man, this guy, if he backs out again, this shit is gonna catch up to him ok?" he waved the gun in their faces "He's made a lot of enemies in this town and now they're gonna be yours"

"That's not fair!" Stu whined

Phil cut in before Stu could continue "Ok, listen, we're just looking for a little kid"

"Two thousand dollars"

"What!?" Stu yelled out

The man continued "I don't know, maybe more, how young you want this kid to be?"

"No! no, no, no, sorry you misunderstood" Stu cut in "we're looking for our friend, 16 years old, Teddy?"

"Teddy? Yeah, he was here with you guys last night"

Phil smiled "You were in the corner all night with Kimmy, I didn't see you leave"

"Kimmy? Kimmy? Is she here?"

"Yes, she's in the back, she just came for her shift, go talk to her"

"Listen I'm sorry about everything that happened"

The man pointed to Phil "You listen to me ok, pay attention what I'm gonna talk to you now, when you see Chow, you tell him Samir says hello"

"Ok"

"But do it like that ok? Hello, like threatening, like ironic, _hello_ "

"Ok" the other walked away but Alan stayed behind

"Hello"

" _Hello"_

"Hello"

"More O, _Hello"_

 _"_ Hellooo"

"Go away, go away, fucking make me crazy" Alan scampered off to where the other three were talking to a beautiful Taiwanese woman

"Of course I remember him, he was buying shots for everyone" Kimmy was explaining what she remembered from last night "nice kid, his parents must be so proud"

Stu agreed "Yeah, you have no idea"

Phil pulled his chair closer to Kimmy with Max standing beside him, still holding onto him as she was a little rattled from the gun "Ok, so do you remember if he left with us?"

"Yeah, you all were leaving together, but you almost forgot this one right here" she pointed to Stu "right, superstar?"

"Hmm" Stu was worried now

"This one was following me around like a little puppy dog all night" Stu's body started shaking "saying how he fall in love with me and ask me to marry him"

"Again Stu?" Max whispered into Phil's ear

"Classic Stu" Alan giggled

"We didn't get married, did we?"

"Of course not, we just had some fun in the Chardonnay room with the your cute friends" she nodded to Phil and Max

"What, uh….what happens in the Chardonnay room?" Phil asked, though he had an idea already

"Let's just stay on task here" Stu reaaaly didn't want to know but Kimmy answered anyway

"Oh, you know, dance for him, he tickle me, we had sex"

"Fuck!"

"I massage his shoulders"

"It's ok, you're not married yet, it's no big deal"

Stu disagreed with Phil "It's cheating, ok?" he looked to Kimmy "No offense to you, you're a lovely woman but it's a violation of my moral code"

Kimmy shrugged "Don't be sad Stu, you love it, you were crying, saying how special it was, you were holding onto Phil's hand as he had a special moment with Max"

Phil chuckled "Wait, I'm sorry, he was crying?"

Kimmy nodded and stood from her chair "You should have seen him" she stroked Stu's hair "He was so sexy, the way he moved around, I had to ask him to slow down so I don't drop my load too quick" she opened her locker

"Load? What Load"

Kimmy turned to look at Stu "Oh, you know, my sperms"

Stu smiled and scoffed "Eh, I think your English is off, you're talking about my sperms, where would your sperm come from?"

"From my balls"

Phil leaned back "Hold on, back up, wait, wait, are you...?" Kimmy took of her robe and turned around

"Hey, you in Bangkok, sweetie" she showed her small cock "There's a reason they don't call it Bangcunt"

"OH!" Stu screamed and fell off his chair, Phil gasped and pushed his chair away, they finally realized that all the girls had cocks "Oh, my god"

Alan was confused "I don't get it, is this a magic show?"

Kimmy rolled her eyes and looked at Stu "Come on, Stu, It was beautiful, we climaxed at the same time, I held you whilst you cried and watch Max and Phil have sex and I climaxed again" Max was pressing her face into Phil's shoulder to stop her giggling since she wasn't as grossed out about it as Phil and Stu, she knew Bangkok was home the largest population of ladies boys, no one comes to a bar in Bangkok expecting to fuck a cunt, they wanted a beautiful woman to fuck them in the ass

"How's that work?" Stu asked

"Shoot my load into you, you shoot your load on the floor"

"Ok"

"You shot your load in me? In my bottom" Stu and Phil were nearly vomiting "Oh, god" Stu raced out of the room with the other three following behind, they got outside and watched Stu groan and force himself not to vomit

"Stu, it's not the end of the world"

"I'm sorry but I am so confused"

Stu turned to Alan "I made love to a man with boobies!"

Phil grabbed Stu shoulders "Listen, I promise you no one's ever gonna find out about this"

"But we just found out about it"

"And then we forget, that's what we do"

"I don't think I can" Max muttered so Stu couldn't hear

"I've done so much fucked up shit, and I just forget about it"

"You have?" Stu asked hopefully

"Yeah, you just forget, it goes away" Phil smiled "that might be harder to go away, but in time it'll happen"

"That's what I'm gonna do…I'm just gonna forget about it"

"Never happened"

"Right" at that moment Stu's phone started ringing "Phone, phone, who is it? Answer"

"Lauren's dad…it just reminded me" Stu started crying again

"Answer it"

"I can't"

"He might know something about Teddy, we still have a shot"

"I can't"

Phil scowled and grabbed onto Stu's shoulders "Get you head back into the fucking game"

Stu nodded and grabbed his phone "Hello?"

"Who takes an all day fishing trip the day before a wedding?" Lauren's dad snapped angrily

"Yeah, ha, ha, I guess it was kind of stupid"

"Put Teddy on the phone" the elder man ordered

"Teddy's seasick, actually"

"Seasick? Teddy's been a maritime deck cadet since he was 9"

"That's weird, because he's puking everywhere"

"I'm gonna tell you something that you did not know, I don't like you"

"Yeah, I know that already"

"My daughter chooses you that's her problem"

Phil ran up and snatched the phone away from Stu "Hey it's Phil Wenneck, listen, I apologize, we've been reeling in some crazy marlin, and I just want-" A motorcycle rode up and smashed Phil in the back with a helmet, he fell to the floor

"Phil!"

"Phil!"

"Shit!" Max screamed and knelt on the floor

"Phil, you're ok?"

"Fuck me" Phil groaned

The man on the back of the motorcycle got off and glared at the group "Give us back out monkey" he ordered hatefully

"What monkey!" Alan growled "Get our own monkey!"

The man didn't like that and pulled out a gun "Come on, you asshole, the fucking monkey" Alan stepped back "come on"

"Any time Alan, he's pointing a gun at us" Stu cried

"This is our monkey"

Phil stood up, clutching his shoulder "Alan, no one's getting shot over a fucking monkey, hand him over now!"

Alan pouted "Oh, god, I never get to keep no monkeys" he let the monkey climb onto the motorcycle, the driver pulled out a mini helmet and put it on the monkeys head "Hey Phil check it out, he's got a banana on his helmet, these guys are the real deal"

The driver drove up to the group "hold on, how did this happen, do you know where our friend is"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah! Yeah, 16 years old Asian kid?" the man replied in Taiwanese

"No I don't understand what he said"

"What did he say? What did he say!?" Phil screamed and ran forward

"Don't Phil!" Max sprinted after him

"He said, fuck you and your question!" Max ran faster than Phil and pushed him to the side just as the man pulled out his gun and fired at his direction, instead of hitting Phil it hit Max

"AAAH!" she screamed and fell to the floor, clutching at her shoulder "My arm!"

"MAX!" Phil screamed like he was the one wounded and shot down to Max's side, he grabbed her and pulled her to his chest

"Poor Max! Max! are you ok?" Alan and Stu cried and raced towards the couple

"Oh my god!"

"Max got shot! Fuck! Fuck guys" the other two stood beside Phil who wouldn't let go of Max as she continued to whimper and scream in pain

"Its alright, Max, We'll figure this all out and get the monkey back I promise"

Phil roared and pushed Alan away as he tried to grab Max "No one gives a fuck about the monkey Alan!"

"Stop screaming!"Max screamed out, causing her to once again scream in pain

"Shit look at her arm!" Phil was looking down at Max's arm that was bleeding profusely, she was moaning and wriggling around in his arms

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!"

"Stu, is she gonna be ok? You're a doctor" Phil asked desperately, Alan was fanning the two with his hat

"I don't know, let me look, let me look" he skipped to Max's side and looked at her bloodied shoulder "AAAAAH!" he screamed and moved away

"What? What? Stu come here, no look at it" Phil was getting angrier the further Stu walked away "Stuart Price, get your ass back over here!"

"SHE GOT SHOT!"

"I KNOW!"

* * *

 **I'm leaving a cliffhanger! Dun, Dun DUUUUUUUUUUUN! I'm gonna put up another chapter and am in the process of typing it right now, I wanted Max to get shot because as I said at the beginning of this chapter I wanted to use it to motivate Phil more, this also added a more personal touch to it because this is a romance story with barely any romance in it except for it being implied by other people such as Kimmy. Please be patient for the next chapter**

 **SCREAMINGTOMCAT OUT! 3**


	8. How could you Alan!

**It's another short chapter but I was only able to get this much into a chapter before i have to go to sleep**

 **Please enjoy**

* * *

After panicking and trying to get Stu to stop screaming, Phil had carried Max to the nearest doctor they could find, Phil had wanted to go in with her but they wouldn't let him, instead he stayed with Stu and Alan and paced nervously "hey" the group all snapped their heads to the side and saw Max pulling up the spaghetti strap of her dress

The trio shot up from their chair and raced to her side "are you ok?" Phil asked desperately, he looked down at her arm and saw a bandaged wrapped tightly around it

"Yeah I'm fine, I was just being a drama queen, it's gonna sting when I move but I wont die" Phil pulled her to his side and sat her down in his lap "the bullet just grazed my arm, eight stitches"

Phil grabbed her medical record "Only cost $6, how's that even possible?"

"How's any of this even possible?" Stu mumbled, his throat to raw from screaming, Alan was sitting silently in front of them

"I mean, if she was a foot to her left, Stu, she's dead?" Phil tightened his hold on Max as he said that

"Don't think about it Phil, I'm not dead" she stroked his cheek and kissed him softly

"What are we gonna do?" Stu asked, not caring about the couple kissing like he usually does because at this moment he thought they deserved it, he didn't think Phil could handle losing Max

After a moment of silence Alan spoke "I'm sorry guys, this wasn't part of the plan" Max pulled away from Phil's lips and looked at Alan along with the other two

"What plan, Alan?" Phil asked slowly

"I've said too much already" Alan jumped up off his chair and left the room, Max hopped off Phil and dragged him with her, Stu trailing behind

"Alan, what plan?" Stu asked sternly

"This is all Teddy's fault" Alan said like a petulant little child

"What are you talking about, Alan?" the trio stood before Alan in an intimidating way

Alan looked like he wanted to stamp his foot "Why is he here? He's not part of the wolf pack"

Phil leaned in closer to the bearded child "Alan, what did you do?"

Alan pouted "It's not my fault, Teddy shouldn't have been sharing from his bag"

"Oh no" Max sighed

"What bag?" Stu asked

"The marshmallows, I had a separate bag just for Teddy" said Alan in a whiny voice "But it was dark, it was hard to keep track and then you almost sat on them I couldn't tell which was which, it was mayhem"

"What did you do to the marshmallows, Alan?" Phil was now demanding "Alan? What did you do?" he had to treat Alan like he would his two sons if they did something wrong and weren't going to tell him

"Well, isn't it obvious? I spiked them with muscle relaxers and, plus my ADHD medication"

"Fucken seriously Alan" Max tensed and hissed in pain when she jolted her wound

"WHAT!? Alan you could have killed Max!" Phil growled, Max took anxiety pills that stopped her from having panic attacks that she would definitely be having in this situation if she didn't take them, the ADHD pills could have caused a reaction in her that could have been dangerous

"You drugged us again!?"

"No you, I just wanted to knock out Teddy so we could enjoy the weekend" Alan protested vehemently

"Enjoy the weekend?" Phil was not a happy man "Alan you told me that you didn't do anything" he now had to scold him like he did with his kids "Alan you swore to god"

"I just wanted things to stay the same"

Stu raced back to Alan and glared at them hatefully "Look at my face!" Stu's eyes were stinging with tears "You ruined my life!"

"You're not my friend" Phil stepped back and grabbed Max, not wanting to stand near the man who nearly killed his fiancé

"Don't say that, Phil, Are you serious? Even in America?" Alan started crying

"Yes!"

"Oh god don't say that Phil, Max make him stop"

Max shook her head "No, you've gone too far this time Alan"

"Don't start crying Alan" Phil was getting angrier, Alan was acting like a child who thought it was fun to play games and play with people's lives and expects not to get in trouble when someone gets hurt, or in this case dead

"You're the bearded devil!" Stu screamed with unrestrained hate

"You liked it, you smiled at me when I held up the marshmallows"

"Because I like marshmallows, you fucking psycho!" Stu ran forward and tackled Alan to the floor

Phil jumped into action and ran to the two fighting boys, Max stayed back because frankly she didn't give 2 shits if Stu beat up Alan she was so pissed right now "Hey! Whoa, Whoa, hold on! Stop!" Phil made sure that no carts would hit them "Guys, guys, enough"

Stu pinned Alan to the floor "Why!?" Stu screamed in his face "Why, Alan?! Why!?"

"Because we're the four best friends remember?" Stu stopped pinning Alan "remember?"

Phil pulled Stu back a bit "Stu, that's enough, that's enough" the dentist sat back on his butt and took deep breaths "Fuck" Max waddled over and stood before the group with uninterested eyes "Guys, we can't fall apart now, we gotta stick together"

"I don't think I can right now…" Max shot back at Phil, he understood and nodded at her, he was pissed at Alan too but he could control it better than she could. He looked back down to the bearded child and saw something written on his pudgy belly "Alan, what's that written on your belly?"

"What? Huh?" Alan said between pants

"Lebua Hotel, Saturday, 6 a.m. Did you write that?" Phil asked

Alan shook his head "No"

Phil looked down at his watch "Shit, that's in 20 minutes" he stood back up and ordered everyone to follow him, no one talked

"What about England? Are we friends there?" Alan asked

"I told you, it was the heat of the moment" Phil said for the 20th time "We're still friends, all over the world"

"Even Great Britain?"

"Yeah, Mm Hm"

"Just watch what pills you give people because next time you might kill someone" Max chimed in, still a little miffed with Alan but knew that Alan doesn't have the mental capacity to think ahead before he does something

"Of course Max, what about you Stu?"

"We'll see" Stu drawled back

A man got up off a couch in the waiting lobby and walked up to them "Gentlemen, lady, follow me" the group slowed down when they looked at the burly man who strode passed them with an intimidating gait, Alan shrugged and did as the man told him but the other three weren't so confident and followed him cautiously. They were taken to almost the top of the hotel and over to a man eating at one of the tables "Here you go"

The man eating looked up and saw the quartet "Well, It's about time, sit down" the group stayed still "Come, sit, sit, sit"

"Ok" the men sat down except Max who stood behind Phil and placed her hands on his shoulders

"Wow, you guys look like shit" the man commented on their state of dress

"Uh, do we know you?" Phil asked

"Hey" the man said to Alan "take off your fucking hat, you're in a restaurant for Chrissake" Alan pouted and took his hat off and placed it on the table

"Ok, listen, uh, we have no clue what's going on here" said Phil

"You know, they sell a plum whiskey here, it's fucking unreal" the man ignored Phil "Seriously, it will absolutely fuck you up, oh, I'm sorry, you guys already got fucked up didn't you?" the man laughed

"Uh listen, I'm a little confused, how did you…?"

"Yeah, you know what? I'm a little fucking confused…where's Chow!" the man went from being happy to pissed off "Where is Chow with the fucking account code and the fucking password!?" he smashed the table angrily, making the gang jumped

"We don't know anything about any codes, we're just trying to find our friend" Stu said as calmly as he could considering he was almost shitting his pants

"Teddy" the man stated

"Yes Teddy"

"Have you seen him?"

The man chuckled softly "come here" he grabbed a folder off the man behind him "hmm let's see, oh" he pulled out a couple of photos and passed them over to Phil and Stu, Max leaned in to get a better look "There's Teddy"

"Holy shit! It's from last night" said Phil, the trio looked at the photos in alarm "who are you?"

"I'm a businessman…and I have invested a large chunk of capital in your friend Chow, and in return, he was supposed to transfer our profits electronically…" the man looked at his watch "about five fucking minutes ago, so last night, we took Teddy as insurance" the groups eyes open

"Oh, my god, is he ok?" Stu asked in part relief and other part desperation

The man wasn't impressed "Oh, my god, I wasn't done talking…you tell Chow, that we are having breakfast on the roof of this hotel tomorrow morning at 8 a.m. Now, if he makes the transfer, you will get Teddy, if not, well, then, hey, you know? It's Bangkok" he gave the group a smug smile and continued eating "that's your cue to get the fuck out of here" the group go up to leave "Hey, you know what? Leave the hat"

"Alan leave the hat" Alan frowned and put the hat back on the table, he then followed the trio out of the hotel

They were now standing in an elevator "We're fucked, Chow's dead, what do we do now?" Phil asked as he rubbed the bridge of his nose "The guy doesn't give a shit about Chow, this thing's about a bank account" Phil took a moment to calm himself "Let's just go back to the hotel, search Chow's body and hopefully the password's in his wallet or something"

"What if it isn't? I mean, they're gonna kill Teddy" Mr negative Nancy Stu said, further dampening the mood

"Just relax, we have until 8a.m tomorrow to figure it out"

"First the monkey, now my hat…how much worse can this day get?"

Max glared at Alan "You can't complain, seeing as this is your fault"

"Max, now is not the best time to get angry"

"Sorry Phil, this day is getting a little too much" she rubbed her arm

* * *

 **Another chapter done, it's getting closer and closer to completion**

 **Please be patient for the next chapter to arrive**

 **SCREAMINGTOMCAT OUT! 3**


	9. Chow Alive?

**I would have posted a chapter earlier but I bought Far Cry Primal and was playing the shit out of it! as to DracoMafloysSecretWide's question, I will definitely have Jade and Carlos invited to Phil and Max's wedding, i'm going to reveal where the wedding is at the end of this story and i'm not going to reveal anything, I almost have everything planned for it**

 **Please enjoy**

* * *

The gang had taken to riding on a boat rather than a cart through the streets, Stu had found a guitar on the floor and starting singing some made up song "Well, we're living here in Alantown

And he's driven our lives into the ground

When we woke up

We were wasted and drunk

Max got shot

We got beaten by a monk

I was happy, and my life was good

Getting married like a dentist should

Roasting marshmallows on a stick

I got fucked in the ass

By a girl with a dick"

"I remember that" cut in Alan

"And we're living here in Alantown"

* * *

They had arrived at the motel they had woken up in this morning, which seemed like he was weeks ago considering the amount of shit that's happened to them "There's water everywhere" Stu said when he got to the top of the stairs and saw the water leaving out of the ice machine

"Yeah, that's because it melted, Stu, the fucking power's out" Phil waddled over to the machine

Alan pulled out his info card "With an inadequate electrical grid serving millions of people, Bangkok experiences 1500 power outages per year"

"Seriously Alan, that's enough" Max walked over and grabbed Alan's card

"Out of the way" Stu walked over with a fire extinguisher, when the other three stepped back he brought the extinguisher up and raised it above his head, with all his might he brought it down onto the padlock on the doors to the ice machine, he used all his anger to smash at it until pen the dropped to the floor

Like déjà vu, Chow jumped out and went straight at Stu, he shot multiple jabs into Stu's solar plexus "Ghost! There's a ghost!" Alan yelled in fear, Chow swung a kick into Phil and swung around to kick Alan, Max squeaked and stepped away from the ninja

"Motherfucker!" Chow boxed Stu's ears

Phil got back up and grabbed Chow "Chow, calm down! Chow, calm down!" he swung Chow into the ice machine and forced him to sit down

"Fucking kill on me!" Chow screamed angrily

"No, no, no Ah" Chow spit in Phil's face

"Hey Chow calm down" Max crouched to the side of Chow and stroked his arm in a soothing motion "It's ok" Chow's tense muscle relaxed slightly

"Relax" hearing Phil caused Chow to tense up and try to attack him "Shh, Shh, that's it, it's just us, breathe"

"Chow so cold" the small man stuttered

"I'm gonna warm you up"

"Chow so cold, Chow so cold" he kept muttering

"You did good buddy, you did good"

"Chow did good?"

"Yea buddy, you did good"

"Come on Phil we need to get him a jumper and dry clothes before he gets pneumonia" the teacher nodded to the Vet and helped Chow to stand, Stu had gone off to get Teddy's jumper, once Chow was all warm and dry they left the motel and found a place that sold hot food

"Feeling better?" Stu asked

"You alright? You warm enough?"

Chow glared at Phil "I don't know, come feel my balls and tell me" Max chocked on her coffee "I've been locked in a fucking ice box all day" Chow turned to yell at Alan "Hey Alan, you want my awesome sunglasses you just ask Chow, you don't have to kill me"

Phil leaned in "Chow, nobody killed you, you were already dead, you didn't have a pulse"

Chow looked at them like they were stupid "Oh, you never do blow before? Sometime your heart stop, start up again, read a book" he put his glasses on

"Chow finish your soup" Max ordered from beside him

"You're not my mom"

"Right now I am, that soup is making sure you don't get pneumonia, and if you get that you won't be able to do drugs, whores and alcohol because you will be stuck in a hospital bed" Chow's eyes widened and he slurped up his soup as fast as he could, it's good being a mother, you learn how to manipulate children, or in this case Chow, by acting like they could lose their toys, or in this case cocaine

"Look, I'm sorry, we're just having a bad day" Phil said after a moment of silent

"Oh, you having a bad day? Did you die?"

"No but Max got shot and nearly died from mixing drugs"

"But did _she_ die?" Chow didn't care "You too nice to die Max, pretty girls that aren't whores don't die"

"Aww thanks Chow…I think"

Stu sighed "Chow, some guy told us that you've got a bank code or something and if we don't bring it to him first thing in the morning he's gonna kill Teddy"

"Who, Kingsley? Pfft, he's harmless" Chow snorted "Don't worry, I got the bank codes"

Phil sighed in relief "Great, alright, we gotta meet him at 8 a.m. Who that fuck is that guy anyway?"

"Invest in my buisness"

"Yeah? What buisness is that?"

"It's called Not Your Buisness, ok? So where's the monkey?"

"The monkey?"

"Yeah, I stashed the account number and password in his vest, where is he?" the groups shoulders slumped

"Why would you do that?"

"Safekeeping, pretty boy" Chow said to Phil "I got a lot of heat on my ass, I got FBI, Bangkok P.D., Interpol, MSNBC, the monkey snorting coke with me all night jerking me off while I watch Max and Phil fuck and Stu fuck with ladyboy"

"Ugh" bile came up Stu's throat

"He no going nowhere"

"We don't have the monkey, Chow"

Chow waited for Stu to answer but Phil did instead "No, some Russian thugs took him from us"

Chow looked at them like they were stupid...again "oh you fucking guys" he rubbed his temples in frustration "Ok, no problem, we just have to get him back"

"From where?" Stu asked

"Same place we took him from"

"I don't want to be shot again" Max muttered and slumped down in her chair "finish your soup then we can go"

"Yes _mom_ , you care for Chow so much why don't you get under the table and suck on my Chinese dick?"

Max scoffed "Sorry I only like big dicks"

"Oh like Phil's, I've seen his dick, he impaled you like meat on stick" Phil chocked on his own spit

"What?"

"Yeaah you guys fuck like animals, made me explode in my pants without touching it"

"Please stop talking about sex" Stu groaned

"Thank you Stu" Phil and Max wholeheartedly agreed

* * *

They all sat in a silver car watching the monkey smoke a cigarette on top of a roof "This monkey isn't just normal monkey" Chow said in a serious tone for the first time since they met him, a green car in front of them honked their horn and the driver hit the side of the car and whistled "Think of him like monkey drug mule" the monkey climbed down a pole and waddled over to the car "He take coke to buyer…" he pulled a small bag out of his pocket and handed it to the man, in exchange, the man gave the monkey the money he owed "…and deliver cash to dealer" the monkey waddled across the street and jumped onto a table and gave the money to a extremely suspicious man that thought he was hiding really well "He middleman, dealer never handle drug directly, he clean" the dealer gave the monkey a nut and the chimp squealed and jumped up and down

"That's terrible" Stu said from the back seat

"Not terrible" Chow shot back "what you talking about? It's fucking genius" the monkey climbed back onto his roof "You ever see monkey go to jail? We just signal money for deal, he come close, we take his vest and that's that…Maybe get some blow too, you know, just bump"

"No, no more bumps Chow" Phil snapped, Chow looked at him sadly

"Ok, this is ridiculous" Stu muttered

"Just go with" Max said from beside him

Chow brought his hand to his mouth and blew air "Stu, Mr. Chow can't whistle, signal monkey" Stu rolled down his window and let out a loud whistle, Chow flashed a wad of cash at the monkey and watched the chimp climb on a wire

"Alright, here we go"

"Come on" Alan was looking up in awe

"How'd we wind up with the monkey last night?" Phil asked

"Well, I needed some blow and Alan thought he was cute, so we stole him" the monkey dropped down onto their car and slid onto the window "Ha ha so stupid, Stu, ready to grab vest?"

"I…ok, I just grab it?" Stu leaned out the back window

"Yeah, just do it, Stu, just do it"

"Hey monkey!"

"Alan shh" the monkey turned around and screeched at his owner

"Fuck!"

"We gotta go right now" the dealers pulled out guns, Chow hit the gas and zoomed off

"Pull that fucking monkey in!" Stu grabbed the monkey but it fought back

"I'm trying!" the dealer shot the back window "Aah! Fuck!" the chimp was holding onto the car door tightly "He won't let go!"

"Stu get back in the car right now!" Phil screamed

"I'm trying! Slow down!" the dealers started shooting at the car again

"Ahh!" Alan screamed, Max was curled into a ball on the floor of the car

"He's so strong!" Stu continued to scream "Let go, you fucking monkey!"

"Look out!"

"Aah!"

"Oh shit! Tight squeeze" Stu managed to get the monkey to let go of the car and pulled them both inside

"I got him! I got him!"

"Where's the code Chow?" Phil demanded when the dealers caught up

"Check his little vest" Alan pushed the vest aside and found a small card

"You got it, Alan?"

"Yeah, I got it Phil"

"Slow down! Slow down! Chow!"

"Hold on gay boys!" they drifted onto the crossing street, one of the dealers motorcycles fell over and got hit by a car

"Holy shit!"

"What?" Phil asked Stu

"Don't worry, I got this shit" Chow drifted again and was about to hit something

"PIG!" they hit a body was flesh and blood and Stu and Max was sprayed with it "AAAHH!"

"Oh my word!" Alan screamed, Max started to gasp, an oncoming panic attack started to form in her stomach

"Ha ha Sorry, Stu, my bad"

"Phil! Max is about to have a panic attack!" Stu screamed at Max's fiancé

"Shit! Max stay calm!" Phil turned around and saw his girlfriend crying and hyperventilating, a motorcycle drove up beside the car and aimed its gun at them "Oh shit…"

"Get down!" they shot at the back window, the monkey started screaming alongside Max "oh, no, they shot the monkey!" Alan started crying "They shot the monkey! I'm at my wits end! Max help him!"

"She can't!" Stu screamed back, he had moved down to Max and was holding her tightly as she thrashed around, her panic attack in full swing, he looked out the window and saw the motorcycle "he's coming back around!"

"Look out!" the gun was pointed directly and Stu and Max, Phil felt like he was going to have a panic attack too, the man was just about to pull the trigger when a car came swerving around and hit him "Holy fuck!"

"oh no" said Chow, everyone turned around and screamed, the car hit a flight of steps and went flying over the river, they landed on the other side and skidded to a stop

"Shh Max it's ok now…" Stu whispered to Max, she stopped screaming bit was still sobbing

"Everybody alright?" Phil asked

"yeah" Alan whimpered

"we're fine too" Stu said, he let go of Max and gave her the monkey to hold and look at, it managed to distract her and calm her down

"Whoo! I have such an erection right now" Chow laughed and drove off

"Are you for real?"

* * *

They stopped at Pa Doong Veterinary hospital for the monkey to be looked at as Max didn't have the tools or the calm hand to perform surgery, her hands were so shaky she would put zig zags in the poor thing, Alan had taken the monkey to the door whilst Phil turned to look at Max "you alright sweetie?" he asked softly

"Y-yeah…I didn't know I had a phobia of guns…fuck me…" she huffed and wiped at the blood on her face "I have pigs blood on my face…eww"

"I got it in my mouth" Stu drawled

"It really isn't our day today" the group laughed unenthusiastically "Alan's taking to fucking long"

"Alan come on!" Stu yelled, Alan rang the bell and ran back to the car "Come on, get in" Max slid over so Stu was in the middle

"Oh, we gotta go see Kingsley, he gonna be fine" Phil comforted Alan

* * *

 **And another chapter is done! The end is near but don't you worry, the gang will be together again after this story**

 **SCREAMINGTOMCAT OUT! 3**


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